I know this to be a painful experience to mothers though I'm lucky enough not to have lost my li'l one, though almost.
It's a mixture of loss and disappointment. That you almost had it only to be snatched away from you. And all you can do is ask "Why?" Yes there are many reasons that can be blamed for this devastating event, but be reminded that there's no use putting blames or pointing fingers. For one, it was meant to happen. That this is a trial given to us by the Creator, and He will not give you something you cannot cope up with. Maybe there is something that He wants to tell you. Maybe there is something you should do. Or should not do for that matter.
Everything in this short life have it's purpose, and reason. Sometimes it's a poke for us to wake up, sometimes it is a prick for something we have done. One thing I'm certain of...GO TO HIM! He have answers to everything.